Healthy lifestyle

I don't know how did I even start looking into living healthy,
let's just say it is because of Sjana,
she is like a living example of how that positive lifestyle gives you a positive mindset and everything.
Its amazing,
then I started looking at Earthyandy's instagram as well.
Its just very amazing.
Hawaii seems like paradise.

I just hope Singapore can have an environment like that too.
Organic, natural and all.
Alright we definitely have to import our organic food.
But we can have a mini hawaii too!
We are an island for god sake.
We are in the tropics.

Ir doesnt make sense that being a clean and green city sometimes.
Our fruits are expensive cause we import.
Our organic foods are even more expensive.
Being a student and having a family that sees no point in eating healthy,
its quite difficult for me to hang onto this idea.
No money
no time.
because we are so busy with work and school and all
its pretty impossible to exercise or prepare our own food.
I have time now simply because I am having a break
Cant imagine how is it gonna be like when school starts.

But yeah its the food that makes us who we are too.
Singapore local delights (ohkay we are a food paradise cos we have food from all over the world, so our local delights are pretty much, everything) are not exactly the healthiest things on earth.
Its easy to imagine Japan going all organic and healthy but,
can you imagine Taiwan?

Yeah I know you can always order organic food to be delivered to your doorstep but the carbon footprint part is, disturbing.
And you can always - I don't know, I admit singaporeans are a slave to efficiency and convenience. We wouldn't think twice to pack food in styrofoam boxes despite the
1 toxins
2 one time usage
3 contribution to trash

for a few minutes of time saved.
Is it seriously that difficult to wash your own dishes?

Its the little things, and the everyday things that we do that makes the difference.
Yes whatever I am about to say is gonna sound rather contradicting but.
Because Singapore is small, it would not be that difficult to start something here.
And we are rather influential on the global arena.
I mean look at how huge the hooha was when Mr LKY left us.
Being small and influential I don't see how, is it impossible that we cannot implement things that could inspire others to do the same.
Like,
eliminating usage of plastic containers, styrofoam boxes, plastic bags and encourage people to bring their own bags and containers.

I dont know
maybe its just me hoping the world would overlook economic gains for our homeland.
I know it sounds stupid but I guess.
One can always dream

Healthy living

This idea is so so so apt.
Well since I am going to study something environment related, its quite close to healthy living?
Since healthy living is pretty much living as naturally as possible. That is, minus our sedentary always sitting down and stuff.
The idea of healthy eating actually stem from having good skin.
I never had sensitive skin, but recently its getting more sensitive and stuff.
I am naturally dark skinned, so I get tanned real easily since young.
But recently I actually got sunburnt WHUT.
Like for the first time in my life I had a sunburn, MY SKIN WAS PEELING.
and I was sensitive and stuff.
Its just weird.
I dont know what happened to my skin and I was utterly bewildered and upset.

So I switched to using Hada Labo as my daily day and night moisturizer, then after that I started getting like the day emulsion, recently I bought the SHA cleanser and its bb cream.
I seriously, absolutely love hada labo. HAHAHA

ANYWAYS,
So i started on this healthy living journey,
and basically doing things I used to do. I pretty much forget how much satisfaction those activities provided.
Like for instance, going out to exercise as a family was a weekly affair.
However in my teenage years it seemed to diminish completely which was just, sadddd.
But now that I am doing it again, running miles and miles with my daddy every weekend, it felt so so great.
So yeah
So many books, so much knowledge,
but it all boils down to whether you want to change your lifestyle or not.
Being slim, healthy, toned is a way of life.
Its not for an occasion, or for someone.
Its for yourself.
I was glad I picked up yoga.
I was inflexible as hell since young but now,
I can almost do a split already.
At the age of 19.
When I cant even reach my toes since like, forever.
Maybe cos I was a muscular girl since young, Im not even kidding when I say I cant reach my toes when I was say, 7.

BUT YEAH.
My point its never too late, as it is never too early.
I don't even know when did I start getting the idea of eating healthy, eating healthy and all.
Maybe it started with Sjana Earp.
But nah I started following her since more than a year ago,
I guess its just I saw the light.
HAHAS
And having reaped benefits from it,
you only want to continue to thrive on this.

Binge drinking, eating, partying all night.
Yeah sure do those, you have to live while you're young right?
Just don't do it too often.
Be aware of what you are putting inside your body,
and make the choices you deem as right,
and make choices like, climbing the stairs rather than taking the lift, standing rather than sitting, keeping your back straight and not slouch, NOT touching that processed food.
Choose fruits and veg,
Choose organic (when you can)

HAHAHA. yeaps I am preaching healthy living, plus save the earth. its always the little actions that count.

I was just listening to songs on bus and the feelings came. Am I really ready for a relationship? Am I ready to bare my heart for someone I dont even know if is staying in my life? Am I reading too much into this? I don't know cos its just scary. Making yourself completely vulnerable to someone. It was chinese songs that killed me completely. I was fucking crying on bus. Its that fear of losing someone so so important, that makes you want to end things with him. Its the fear that is making you suffocate. Its difficult to understand but I just did. You have no idea how tough is it. At all. No idea at all. Its such a weird emotion its difficult to describe. Thats why its impossible to feel that when youre with him. But you feel it all the time when youre not with him. It sucks. Like just yesterday I was having such a great time with him and today, I am feeling like shit. Maybe I am shit. Its fucking scary how I am texting him all bubbly, when I am feeling all these right now. But I guess cos of this fear, I have to hold on to him tighter. And cherish every single moment together.

Social Media

You know the thing about social media, it feels like everything is a competition. Maybe I havent posted in a while, the moment I do it felt weird. I kept checking my number of likes, afraid that people wont actually like my post and afraid that this post will lose out to my older posts in terms of likes. Its so superficial I feel so, disgusted by myself. My instagram is a place where I dont showcase my real life, like what I really am, who I really am. Its weird how it shows fragments of what I am, yet isnt representative of who I am. Its such a weird feeling and combination, I feel like quitting social media but, does that mean the end of my social life? The answer is yes. Because you cant keep up with trends, you're kept out of the loop, You can't join in conversations, nor find interesting common topics. Its horrible to know that people gossip as a form of socialising. I dont like it but I still do it. Why? Because I want to be kept in the loop.
Disgusting. I am so disgusting. Its so shallow yet I still do it.

You know like how you screwed something up and, no matter what you do it doesnt make any difference and you just keep replaying the scenes in your head, hoping you said this instead of that. Maybe the consequences were not that major last time, or maybe it matters a lot to me this time. I don't know because I just cant stop thinking about it I feel like im going crazy. I wished my boyfriend is here like right beside me right now so that I can be stablised but. No. I realise I dont mind being pillars for other people but I mind asking for support from others. Its like too huge a favour? I dont know I really dont know. Thats why I blog I guess.

School 2015.

You know I have been watching kdramas since, around a year ago. And there are just some dramas which you feel nothing, and some which you love so much. I loved school 2013. That bromance - I mean, bond between the 2 guys are just. WOWW. Maybe its because Im still a student, its more relatable. But its was amazing. Maybe I should look for my old post on it and upload it here. HAHAs. & School 2015 hasnt been a disappointment. Well obviously korea is promoting their flower boys more than their girls, but thats beside the point. The plot is kinda cliche, but not at all uninteresting. Only 6 episodes into the drama and I can't wait to finish it already. Pretty sure that bitch bully will get what so gets, and that the whole truth will be revealed and yeah. Some parts of the plot is pretty much, fixed (not even predictable). Welcome to kdramas. But, y'know the difference between korean and american productions is that korean productions focus on sincere feelings. Well there could be sex involved but unlike american productions, it isnt revolved around sex. Thats what is different. I am not saying which productions are better it just depends on which you prefer. Well, I won't stop watching all the american movies because they are pretty good, nevertheless. And always the hot topic.

OMG I JUST FINISHED WATCHING EP 8 I CANT CALM DOWN WHY YOU CUT AT THE CLIMAX. Han Yi An figured. Go Eun Byul admitted. And Gong Tae Kwang has to come and andbiwvshsis UGH.

ANYWAYS. I totally didnt expect Eun Byul to come back, but it was so, so powerful. WOOOHOOO. Like WOWZ. And I was really shipping Yi An & Eun Byul, Tae Kwang & Eun Bi. BUT DAMN IT HAN YI AN. WHAT A HUGE DISGUSTING PLOT TWIST BUT. LIKE OMGOMGOMG. Now Idk who to ship. HAHAHAS. WAITING FOR EP 16 DILIGENTLY. 

Ohkay it ended. All in all an interesting drama. OHYEAHHHH. HAHAHAS. 

Vices.

You know how you always blame other stuff or people but never yourself, but seriously. Today is really, such, an unlucky day. I mean its partly my fault, for leaving house a tad too late and well, lady luck isnt shining on me today. So I was late. Rather late in fact. For an interview. So thats whats the bad feeling was LOL.

But yeah sometimes some things are out of our control, but deep down you know you have a problem as well. You have always been blaming other people and things and when it happens to happen on an unlucky day, you get angry because you are unlucky. You know what I mean?
Maybe you should reflect and kick this habit away once and for all.
You cant always have lucky days come onnnn.

So yeah gonna work on how to quit being late.
Alright learning how to be punctual at this age lol.
Its never too late right?

1. Plan
Plan your outfit, pack your bag, plan your schedule, everything on the night before. This is a great habit to cultivate. Give yourself ample travelling and preparation time when you have major event coming up.

2. Do as planned, keep track of time always.
Don't plan and not follow it, & don't do extra stuff that you didn't plan. Once you plan everyday you come to know how long you take to do things and it will get easier as days go by.

3. Don't plan to be on time.
Plan 15 min earlier for every event. & more when you need to locate places you never been before.

4. Relearn your time
Take note of how long you do things, check the time everyday.

Thats all for now. Let's do this. 

True Friends.

I realise, the best thing you can give a friend, or anyone that you truly love and care about, is support. Advices are for completely clueless people who are searching for answers. And god knows everyone have answers in their hearts already. Our loved ones are simply looking for people who will support them, as they believe we are people who understand, and have faith in their choices. Of course we do need to drag them up the righteous path by showing them whatever path they intend to take could possible lead to. But if they still stuck by their path, we respect that decision. We respect that decision, thats all they need. We need not help them on that path, we need not feel sorry for seeing them fail. But we do need to bring them back up when they do.

Addicition

'Addicts are never really cured'
I have an addict, to squeezing blackheads. I am tyrophobic, but I absolutely LOVE squeezing blackheads. It gives me such a major satisfaction, especially when I am stressed. So my nose and inner cheeks suffered for about the whole of 1.5 years, which I poked and squeezed, deployed needles and tweezers to get the gunk out. I don't know if it sounds weird or what but, it just gives me a major, major satisfaction. I help my granny squeeze blackheads on her back when she asks for help with her bra cos she cant reach to the back. But I have been off my face for at least a good 1/2 year. Yeah occasional pokes here and there. Maybe because I was stress-free these, then all of a sudden many things came at one go it was too overwhelming. But yeah. I read it somewhere that addicts are never really cured, as it takes only one thought, and less than one second before the body takes over the mind, before you can change your kind after commiting your crime. It was true. All I did this morning was wake up, and O stared at the mirror for a while, tiptoed over the sink so I can have a better look. spotted 3 very black blackheads in the right nose valley and up comes my hands, down comes my sin. It felt good, cos unexpectedly the gunk from the left side of the valley, that is my right side of my nose, came put. Though the blackheads were invisible, they were there. Evidently. But the stubborn ones in the valley weren't coming out. Am I being too descriptive here?

This is an addiction of perfectionists, who can't stand even the smallest flaws, who basically are stressed. We are people who strive to do well. Y'know back in the days when I was trying to kick this habit, I dont know to feel good or bad about this successful people thing. HAHAHA.

But yeah my point was, I made a mistake, I reverted to my old ways, but its just occasionally so I cut myself some slack. Don't have to beat yourself up for just this once right? Just make sure its occasionally. 

One Moment, One Morning - Sarah Rayer

This is a real good book.

A book I once picked up but put back on the shelf. Im glad I picked it up. I dont usually cry when I read but. This is really, so sad. Just so sad.

Dying isn't all that scary. I mean its painful, but the pain ends. The worst part about dying is leaving all the others behind. All your loved ones, all those who are highly dependent on you, your family, friends, colleagues, even the bus driver who sees you every morning. Its like leaving a spot empty, and it this spot can never be truly filled again. It hurts, to know that someone you depend on wont ever be there for you anymore. It hurts to know you cant be there for the people you love. It hurts even more, when you are the source of their pain. Sighs. Death itself isnt scary. Its the loss that makes one feel extremely empty.

It also lets you know how to be appreciative of people you see on a daily basis, and be grateful for the very fact that they are still breathing.

A TRUE BLUE DAMN GOOD BOOK. 🙆🙆🙆

Overbite - Meg Cabot

I know I am obsessed with Meg Cabot HAHAHA. But this book is another must read! A sequel to Insatiable which I read last year (I think). I didnt really remember the storyline but I remember those names, Lou, Lucien, Meena. Yeah. HAHAS. but its a great book! Really! Though I feel it can be developed into a super long book instead, its a little too under described. Like as though there are many more details that can be included to make the book more interesting. HAHAS. Im not even an author who am I to judge LOL. But yeah. Good book!!

Boyf > prospective friends.

You know it always feels like everything seem to come together all at once, its like Can't you snow gently instead of giving me a snowball down the hill instead? Life isnt even giving me lemons. Its a freaking avalanche. Sometimes we do get that feeling. HI ITS 12:42AM. WOWZWOWZ. & yeah Im having those feelings right now, even though I have had a super super long and tiring day. Everything didnt come together all at once but, it just so happened that some things are just so, not meant to be and some things are just so, meant to be. I don't know its just. Sighs. Sometimes life hits you like that. But other times its more like, you have a choice, so you dont actually have to do everything at once. Just give up on some things and get other things, y'know. HAHAS. I probably sound really weird right now but I guess I'll be biased about this. Not everyday my boyfriend gets to come out on a full day date with me, and I think its way more important than the alternative, I guess. Hahahahas crap. I better make sure he is free first. BOOK THOSE DATES. AISH. For now, I'll just uhh, sleep. HAHAHAS.

I really dont like people who abandons their friends cos of well, boyfriend but. BUT. I hope my girlf understands. :/

Kate Somerville.

This woman is darn amazing. Probably one of the most inspirational successful woman today. Currently is reading her amazing book and damn, it gave me such a major encouragement to start on my healthy living journey. Maybe its because I prefer getting information from books than online, well the physical thing is always better, I feel. Well the thing is I picked up her book in the library yesterday, and its one of the best decisions I ever made throughout my battle against my skin. I havent even finished the book but I learnt so much already, and I am not gonna put the book down till I am done. Even taking down notes cos, its a library book.

You know I am the type of person who would go out in the sun to play during midday, without sunblock. And when i actually went out to get my lunch, (which btw, was grocery shopping to kickstart my skinfood regime) I actually took one of my mom's UV blocking umbrellas. Yes. I did that.

Well she shared this story about someone fighting cancer and succeeded through changing his diet, what else could be more convincing?

The thing about Kate is that she is sincere, she hope that people understand how our skin, our body works and from there, improve our skin and our lives. Although I havent actually seen the results, I am sure, I will soon. I might do a summary for those who cannot have access to her book, well from my notes of course, I hope there wouldnt be copy right issues, and also share the foods and diets and whatever things she shared. (After Im done reading) But I feel its still better to read her book first hand, or better find her for consultation HAHAHAS.

 

 

So HI. I AM DONE WITH HER BOOK.

Took notes which was like, so thick hahas.

Gonna sort of summarise everything in here.

 

P.S I hope I am not infringing any copyrights. & if I did, I am sorry I didn't mean it

& well, I am not doing the whole book, hence I suggest heading to the library to read this book yourself.

 

Complexion Perfection - Kate Somerville

 

First, lets understand our skin, the science part of it.

 

Our skin is a great organ, that reflects the state of your body, mind and sprit. Stress can actually make our skin more prone to allergies.

Our skin impacts how we feel about ourselves and how others view us. A healthy glowing complexion leaves us feeling attractive and ready for anything, while imperfect or ailing on can make us not want to face the world.

Really, you don't want your photos to be taken, you wont wan people to see you, you wont want to socialise. I know how it feels, all too well. it affects how you feel about yourself such that you cant even do tasks you are usually good at.

 

I wanted to like summarise the whole book but its just just too much.
I am so sorry guys, do please borrow her book,
if you need someone to talk about some skin stuff maybe can email me or sth,
would be more than glad to entertain those questions.
Love y'all

The Boy Next Door - Meg Cabot

 

If you haven't read a Meg Cabot, you are missing out so much. This book is interesting, set in the time where email was a popular mean of communication. LIKE HAHAS. And yeah the whole book was well, email exchanges between a few people. Initially I read then I was like GAWD, WHEN IS THIS EMAILING THING GONNA END AND SOMEONE ACTUALLY IS COMING OUT TO NARRATE but no, never happened. HAHAS. And you cant actually put the book down cos all the emails are like, puzzle pieces that if you stop you wont get the picture. But this book is so amazingly cute. Love it. ❤

@Sjanaelise

If there is any instagrammer you should follow, she is the one.
Im not saying you shouldn't follow people like TOP (which I unfollowed, I cant take his spam) or local singaporean youtubers or anyone else you look up to. but,
Sjana is such a role model, the epitome of positivity in fact. She is daring, lives life the way she wants and is very beautiful. Just watched her youtube video (because she posted on insta) & you can see how passionate, how lovely this girl is. She isn't your usual party all night girl, but is someone who knows how to have fun. Someone I want to be like. I actually want to learn yoga because of her. I want to let her know how huge an inspiration she is but well, everyone is telling her that on her youtube channels and instagram already. Although I am not depressed or anything but I really really am able to relate to her, and want to live like her. Well Sjana if you're not gonna work as a photojournalist your whole life, don't stop posting, don't stop being as inspiration for yourself and the many hearts you have touched. I am really really glad I found your insta account (I don't even know how). Thank you for sharing your life with us, and your happiness with us. 

Maybe its because I am gonna be a freshman soon and I have to venture into this damned world all by myself, okay there are a few buddies but I have to deal with a lot of things myself still. I am afraid, what if I can't fit in? I ain't those girls who party and party and fuck guys. I dont do those. I don't want to become like that either. I am afraid. I admit. What if I have to attend lectures all alone? I know I wouldn't be that alone because of my personality but, the thought of college is still intimidating. But exciting. I won't be all that alone I know. There will always be people there for me. And I just want to thank my friends, my family, and my boy whom I know will fly here if he can. And maybe its not that bad doing all sorts of things alone.

My lifelong wish is to actually travel to a place, and live there for probably a month - solo. Yeah I know it sounds weird and all its not even a holiday. I want to go there and work part time, and yeah. Gonna grab this chance in Uni to go for a semester or simply 3 months else where. Okay I sidetracked. Go check out Sjana guys, 

 

Once Bitten Twice Shy - Jennifer Radin.

The plot is great.
I like how the vamps in this book didnt really have a upper hand. I mean yeah speed, strength, increased senses, sensitivity to light all those but yeah. The combination of Vayl and Jaz, definitely isnt as simple as it seemed like. I mean it was so vague, as to why Vayl picked Jaz, what Jaz is exactly. Oh and I like how the vamps are killed so damm easily. But it is kinda impractical I mean. How can people who lived for centuries die so easily, at the hands of a pro almost human assassin. Okay being a little overly-critical here.
Over all I did like the plot.
but more romance is needed, which I strongly, strongly believe will happen in the next few books. HAHAS. Or else its too boring.

She went all the way - Meg Cabot

 

It just goes to show that sometimes, bad things happen for better things to come by.
Another great novel by Meg Cabot, and it makes me wonder if it was based on, or maybe just inspired by some true stories. The ending was a little too perfect, hence surreal. HAHAS. I am the type of person who would flip to the last page first, and Meg Cabot is the kind of person who well, don't show too much of the ending. Many readers probably wouldn't like the way I read, I mean why read the ending first? Well simply because some endings are not as happily ever after as we thought, and I just want to find out if it is the case. Sometimes reading the ending makes me want to find out how to plot goes - not just how it ends. I believe a great book is one that is that. Simply because I want to imagine, predict and be taken by surprise how the story proceeds. Does it make sense? Maybe try reading the last paragraphs or two for your next book, and you'll get what I mean.
Anyways back to the book.
Meg Cabot is one author which I absolutely adore, since princess diaries, then the mediator. HAHAS. So yeah, I dont think I will ever find myself disappointed by her books. 

Straight Talk - Raymond Lim

So Raymond Lim was a Cabinet minister, PAP.
know that for now.
book published in March 2013, quite a new book man.
First time reading such a book & I hope I will not choose politics as a path.
I mean based on my image in school.
No way I'd be a politician here in Singapore.
HAHAHA
I hope I dont end up like Amos Yee for posting something like this.

"Cowardice asks the question: Is it safe?
Expediency asks the question: Is it politic?
Vanity asks the question: Is it popular?
But conscience asks the question: Is it right?
And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular - but one must take it simply because it is right."
- Martin Luther King Jr

Just because you do not take an interest in politics does not mean that politics would not take an interest in you.
-Pericles (BC430)
I guess that's why I even picked up this book.

Okay the quotes and the command of language is really great. But I was being critical and analytical the whole time while reading this book. And I was annoyed (&distracted) to the point that I want to stop reading.
Yes we do have freedom, but with freedom comes responsibility. I understand that. But is that simply an excuse, a pathetic one, to say that with any anti-governmental sin, there is a price to pay? In this book it mentioned that we are a liberal society, and the government wished for the Singaporeans to be more daring in expressing their point of view. The fear of speaking up ; it didn't surface from nowhere. Who wouldn't want to express their thoughts, talk about their grievances, and be relived of them? It seems like the they are holding a knife at your throat, daring you to speak. In that situation, would you speak words of appeasement? Or spit out all the bitter words which can be swallowed?
An inclusive society, they said. Better together, they said. They said the society is no longer inclusive if there are discussions on who pays to balance the imbalances. Then you're just beating around the bush isn't it? Going on a roundabout, falling right back into the vicious cycle that enhances inequality. Because you are saying that the most direct solution is not the solution. Yeah so lets continue going down the mountain slope. Let the snowball roll and roll.
Why did we want an inclusive society? There was increasing income disparity.
Why is it so? The rich are becoming richer, the middle struggling to survive, the poor afraid of falling off all together.
And you are telling me it is not right for the rich to balance the imbalances?
Our economy is currently still growing, not as strong, but growing. The digits are increasing, but our people are falling back. & more are falling back. We invest in highly techy industries, which the poor will never be able to use, let alone work in. Money is the benefit ; worsening welfare is the cost. This is something they will never admit, with the excuse called meritocracy, defined as helping people excel in different areas, basically the most apt areas, fair and square. Most obvious in our education system, in which the rich kids are studying in Raffles. If it is all that fair, why are the richer kids doing better in schools? Better genes? Better tuition? Better studying environment? There is so much more to accomplish before we can truly be meritocratic. Hence meritocracy can hardly be used as an excuse for further economic development that only increase income disparity. Maybe we should stop and think. Maybe economic development is not, should not be the main government objective. Maybe they will have a listen at this. No they won't. What matters is what they can see, and nope. They cannot, will not empathise with the rest of the citizens taking the backlash of this very growth that they are enjoying.
I should just go and be a fucking politician right.
Only read a part of the book and I'm writing a GP essay already. Just a food for thought. Since nobody can read my blog. & also a reminder for myself, to stay at the top of the ladder - so that I can help those at the bottom.

Politics
Well, I have never been that into national issues.
Like policy reforms, who are our ministers in charge of what,
I have no clue.
Anyways this book mentioned the internet, as a new rising political power.
Undeniably, the internet has brought about many revolutionary changes, as in gave people a voice.
But one man's freedom fighter is another man's terrorist.
"The internet can splinter society as it facilitates narrowcasting and social sorting. People can choose to only access news sits, blogs, chat rooms and discussion forums dominated by those whose views are similar to others. Lack of exposure to contrary views and constant reinforcement of their own views tend to make people more extreme, as their prejudices and biases are left unchallenged"
If you have ever heard about fanwars between fandoms of different kpop idols, yeah it sounds the same to me.
People tend to think that their beliefs are the right ones, and that's why they try to make others believe in it too - to make the world a better place.
But since it is difficult to make everyone love and believe in the same things, as it includes forgoing their own principles and beliefs, people start to accept the fact that everyone is different.
Instead of enforcing beliefs, we are accepting the fact that everyone has different ideas, and we are achieving peace.
If you are saying that the internet is the perpetuator of social segregation, then race, religion, schools, everything that makes an individual different from another, is causing segregation.
It doesn't matter if we have different views, it doesn't matter if we are different ; that makes us human. What matters is doing what is best, even if the majority does not think its the best, you do it.
That is what the government does. Everything for the best for the citizens. Taking into account the views of everyone. Extremists or supporters alike. The number of them does matter - but only to a certain extent. What matters are the views, whether they are relevant or not.

"Online public debate is thus often a form of opinion polling rather than deliberation."
It is a form of opinion polling.
Which breaches contemplation,
hence sounder deliberation.
Just my personal opinion.

There are so many things in the book I want to talk about. But yeah kinda lazy to type.
But lets do this.
This one is interesting.
"Another kind of intolerance is to categorise people as being either for or against the government. Why is it necessary in political debate to be for or against the government? Why is it not possible for ordinary citizens who feel strongly about a particular issue to speak their mind without having a political label stuck on them? If indeed ordinary Singaporeans must debate issues from a particular political perspective, should it not be from the standpoint of what they think is best for the country?"
Sadly I think this is an issue.
A few singaporeans are so caught up with being anti-government, that they tend to use political debates to slander the PAP. Its annoying because they are usually uncouth and loud, playing on hatred of the government, the PAP, simply because its a single party rule but hey they are doing great. So what is the problem with that? And if you think that our Parliament should not be just of a single party, sell that idea. Why use other political debates to bring the PAP up? Why not bring the opposition parties up? It is annoying, as they are disrupting peace, dragging in unrelated deals to bring across that one point that would definitely sell to the public.
People will probably think that I am pro-PAP reading this but no. I ain't pro-PAP. I just believe that a single party rule could be a problem, even if it isn't a problem today. But I ain't gonna slander PAP just to bring across that point because frankly speaking, it is this one party rule that brought us to where we are today. Do I sound brainwashed? Yeah probably. But I feel that I am still in the sane state of mind.

Okay wtf, why am I even going into politics.
UGH.
We tend to be so caught up in our own beliefs that we want to protect them so badly, we forgot that being objective is actually the key.
Oh screw this I am not gonna read already fucking my mind up.
okay bye.

Dreams and subconscious

I recall seeing it somewhere, that your dreams are actually your subconscious sorting out thoughts and emotions, your subconscious trying to communicate with you, asking you to face questions you never really understood the answers, and never really not want to find out the answers. I don't even know where to start because this dream has too many, just too many scenes, and I know each scene represents different things. And I am trying to make sense of this dream. What exactly is my problem? One thing you need to understand is all these is happening in your head.

"Of course its happening in your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?"

This dream is so complicated and so many people are involved, that I guess I'll have to analyse it part by part.

Note: The following post is rather personal and some of the things would most probably be difficult to relate to. HAHAS. But well you night get some ideas on how to decipher your dreams, and figure out how to understand yourself better through understanding your dreams. Its a long post. dont say I didnt warn ya.

PART 1.

I was with my friends at some kind of school trial, where a huge bunch of us are walking around exploring. Then we met Jane, (she was the crush of my boyfriend for a pretty long time, and I don't know what exactly happened between them. I told myself that he will tell me if he wants to but, I never actually made it a point to say that I wanna know, so I guess he thinks that there is no need to mention that, at all. Jane was alone, I knew her friends since they are all fun people and I know her personally, before I got together with my boyfriend. Even though I never admitted that I hated her, and I don't know how to really sincerely like her without having bad feelings. In school of course we act normal, but privately I always make her small actions seem to be against me, like as though she hated me and stuff, to a close friend of mine who didn't appear in this dream. haha. Anyways back to the dream) before that I just said hi to her circle of friends(which included my good friends), then we turned a corner and saw her, alone with her dslr, awed by her surroundings. Since I don't want to get close to her at all deep down, Queenie (a fun and popular girl, who is also friends with Jane. She was in Jane's secondary school clique.) and I just continued to walk hand in hand, chatting like we never saw her, though she kept nearby.


Well I guess this part of the dream is pretty obvious, I always thought that Jane stole me of my friends, my guy from me. So I dreamt that Queenie was on my side, what a strong reference, sorry for dragging you in hahaha. Though she was friendly and all with me, how can I bring myself to like someone like her? I mean she actually didn't do anything wrong, we just crossed paths at too many unhappy points. I feel sorry for hating her so much but I cant do anything, any fucking thing about it. She took my friends, my boyfriend and -

1. She didn't take your boyfriend. technically, you took him from her. He liked her first and you were the one that made him feel otherwise.
2. She didn't take your friends either. Those friends are friends you probably wouldn't lose this whole life cos its just so much crazy ass fun together.
3. There isn't a point hating her, cos it was never her fault to begin with. Who would consider your feelings while making friends? the guy thing is really not her fault at all.

PART 2.

When Jane ran to take the lead, I ran, faster and better. Such that I leave a huge gap between me and the whole group of people behind.

That, is my inferiority complex coming out to play. Being competitive is in my nature, especially in the sports area, studies, not so.

BUT. Stop feeling inferior compared to her. You really are not. She might be taller, prettier, but you are better than her in some other areas too, like being cute. You may be inferior in some areas but not others, my dear. You don't have to win in everything.

PART 3.

I was at the field, without my shoes, then when I wanted to get out of the field, after a friend's hint about the slippers. I realised Mel was wearing my slippers, then I was like, shouting, like my usual, walao why you wear my slippers. Then she just walked over and left my slippers there, and walked away quietly. Then, we headed to the canteen to eat, but Mel and her close friend went up the stairs, saying they rather have the Hershey drops they bought.

Uhm, I don't really have an idea what this means. Let's see..
That these playmates aren't really my friends?
Nope.
That I am annoying sometimes?
Maybe.
That I may not be as well liked as I think?
Yeah I think so.

Well I guess i'll have to do something about my friends, I haven't been sincere and all these days. Even though I tell myself I wouldn't become those girls who would treat her friends differently after getting a guy. But what can I do? Let's be honest and be more loving alright, they really care about you my love.

PART 4

I was going home with a try too hard to be pretty and popz friend, Rose, a doesn't seem to try to be pretty but she does. hence she is dead gorgeous, Sarah, my boyfriend, Tim, and this close friend of my boyfriend whom I know too, Jim. So we took the train and Rose was sitting at the end, beside her is Sarah, then me, then Tim, then Jim. I remember Tim leaving a gap between us as we sat, well I didn't think much about it since like, we are so low profile. But we all fell asleep and we somehow snuggled up. And he was like, your nose is so ugly. something he always say. Then he just stood up and stand near but not too near to Sarah, but towards her y'know, you get my point. Then I fell asleep again and when I woke up, Jim was saying they (Sarah and Tim) left, and Rose was giving that disgusted face, said with that guy, referring to Tim I suppose. And she looked disgusted. Although Sarah and Rose were great friends, they had a weird history with regards to boyfriends, and Sarah obviously is more well liked by guys. I guess Rose hates that, since she wants to be the popular one. This may not be the case but since its my subconscious, I have to be honest with what I really feel. Oh, recently I also watched this variety from Taiwan, 女人我最大 and there was this episode on guys cheating. And yeah I guess that kinda triggered all these. I remember the statistics. 1 in a 100 would not cheat. just one. it was kinda scary manz. He occasionally would bring up some girls he think is pretty. :/

I think this one also my inferiority complex. Since I always have skin issues, and I ain't the prettiest chick around.

I guess the only way to deal with this is to become prettier. I mean, pretty people always gets it, don't you realise? Because they are pleasant looking, they win it. I mean, I may have the skills, but isn't it even better if you have both the looks and the skills? Sorry for being shallow here but I do want to be pretty.

PART 5

There are other parts to the dream but, just too lazy and tired to bother. Those parts make even less sense sighs. Like my old friends in futuristic sense. Its so scary. 

So yeah I shall end this post here HAHAS. Sorry for the long winded self debates. But yeah this dream affected me quite a bit so. I needed to let it out somehow, and i chose this platform to. Hope those who read till the end have an idea as to how I try and resolve the knots in my heart. It may be a way to come to conclusions, to face things that you have always tried to escape using your busy everyday life as an excuse. 

I ain't a professional in this field so, all of the above are just what I deem as right, what I feel could just be right. 
 

Sweet dreams guys.

 

Dating.

I used to don't understand why people are so desperate when it comes to love. Why do people want to love so badly, why people want to date so badly.
Now I understand.

Thinking back, it was quite stupid of me to hold back and reject guys without even trying. I was afraid to be hurt and all so. I was always afraid to depend on others, afraid that love may not be something I want to deal with while having to take care of my studies.

But nope no regrets actually. HAHAS. I mean things could really be very different if I dated guys when I was younger. I mean like life might not be this smooth sailing, academics and my other achievements I mean. I started dating at the time I deem as, safe to date.

& Cos I get to live all these loving and being loved experiences with someone who actually really really matters, someone I can see myself with till death.

Bliss, is the one word I can use now. It seems like as though nothing, can beat me down, nothing can stand in my way. It feels like I found another mountain I can lean on, also discovered I can actually be a pillar of support, and a source of bliss.

But I am still glad to date when I am ready, not when everyone else is dating.

 

This too shall pass.

Alright, time to forsake my old skincare products cos they obviously arent my thing. I mean I love the sun I cant make my skin sensitive to it! So yeah. Shall analyse products from the bodyshop (aloe/teatree) and see how it goes :) & wait for doc's heads up before proceeding to the makeups. 💪
Shall conquer this hugeass milestone once and for all!

Doc prescribed this thingy for me to apply. Costs like SGD25. It sorta dries up your skin.
Well according to my doc I should STOP applying any moisturiser cos my face is oily. And just cleanse and use this bottle. It'll be great. Hahas.
Well frankly speaking I didnt think my skin was oily. So as much as I dont wanna admit it, it is.
My guess is that the products i was using (simple basically) made my skin sensitive to the sun. & I did use facial scrub before that so I guess that kinda made my skin even thinner and lack protection. So mmm. Thats why there was a breakout. Well thats just a hypothesis I dont really know why (or how) Or maybe its just simply hormones. I dont know.

Well the thing is my skin was recovering. but well a trip came up and I headed to the beach and all. so uhm. there was a relapse..

And yeah. now its back. I dont know what to do about it except to wait. Well I guess miracles do not happen over night and hahahas. It just doesnt. 😂
So I decided to stop using my cleanser, and that leaves me to just using clean water to wash off whatever for a few days. Uhm. I just cant live with washing with water though so shall try my mom's cleanser instead. and heed the doc's advice later. to use aloevera or teatree products. I have had enough of chemicals. Plus these products should be able to up my resistivity towards the sun. 😏 But that, I shall consult the doc before coming to any conclusion.
TIME TO END THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL.

Bad skin days.

Have y'all ever experienced bad skin days, like really bad where your whole face broke and itches like mad, probably because of something you ate, or some products you used. People with sensitive skin probably know what am I talking about.
Its been long such a thing happened to me. Like such a major breakout, and I dont even really know the reason, and trying to find out now. Its like blotchy, red, itchy, and filled with many snall white heads. I have skin problems since like about 2 years ago. Maybe it was the crazy sun that did this, or simply genes since my relatives on my father's side pretty much have bad skin. Except my granny. LOL.
But hmmm, I have been taunted by black heads when I was 17. Now they are still here but I try to ignore them as much as I can. I used the word taunted because, I would use my deadly long nails to dig into my pores, and poke my nose till its all red, just to get ALL the white worms with blackheads out of their holes (pores). Then, it spread to my inner cheeks, and I started to dig into my pretty cheeks too. I didnt know what I was doing back then, too young, immature and stubborn to know that all these are making my skin real difficult to recover, till today.
Puberty came late for me, so maybe thats why by 17, it wasnt a problem for most of my friends, who are already pimple-free and real gorgeous already.
I always envied people with great skin. It doesnt have to be fair, just smooth and nice. Thats all I want to achieve. My life was at its best when I have good skin days. Maybe because I am more confident &  cos pretty people gets their way, you like it or not, thats how things work.
Have you ever felt so dejected, when some people walk past you, just to approach a friend prettier than you, though you have better brains and figure?  I guess people are just naturally disgusted by bad skin. Sometimes when I am outside I see people with bad skin, I feel so sorry for them like man I can empathise with you. That agony, is so hard to describe, especially if you dont know who or what to blame.
I still am, living in that agony. People at my age are always clubbing, partying, drinking, having a lifetime worth of fun. But I on the other hand, am trying to replenish the sleep I have lost over the years, to make it but for my beauty sleep durations, drinking water for detox purposes, avoiding foods that causes bad skin since its real obvious for my case.
Just that at times I break these golden skin rules, and pay a price.

To all those having a hard time because of your unappealing skin, I will not be those saints who will tell you, its okay. Its alright, be yourself and all these will pass. Up your self-esteem cos youre worth more than what you believe you are. No. I dont believe in that.
Find a remedy, search for a solution. Its a problem that can be solved so dont settle with it.
Even for people who are fat. No Im not going to say just be who you are. Because thats how the society is today. If youre gonna stay that size, blame no one but yourself for the lack of suitors, the lack of appeal compared to your prettier friends.
The society today may say its okay to be fat. The truth is they mind it despite those kind words.
Search for a solution, fight for your happiness, and live your life. I am 19, still young, still searching. But age should not stop you from leading the ideal life you want. 
& while you search for a solution, learn to live with it. Shutting yourself from the world you can have, is not a solution either. :)
Staying happy is key.

Boyfriend > friends?

 

Okay I couldn't think of a counter for chicks before dicks.

I believe we all have had friends who would give priority to their boyfriends.

Well I guess its understandable since they could be a major part in each others life for forever.

But friends can be too.

I have a friend, who is still an important friend. I know her since we were 13, very close till 14, drifted at 15/16, and closer than ever at 17/18. Now we are both 19, still in contact, still great friends.

There are some friends you know you can always rely on, which I am that kind of friend for her. No matter how irritated I am at her sometimes, if she needs me, I'll be there.

But I am not sure if she'll be there for me, if I need her.

Well I guess we are friends which are rare cos we can talk to each other about our relationship problems, yet can not talk to each other. HAHAS.

Maybe because I am at the age where friends become attached (serious relationships I mean) , its interesting to see how different people see different things. I have other friends, who sees their partners as a part of them. They are in seperable, and want to shout out to the rest of the world they are a couple.

She is that kind of pretty, honest bitch, who really dont care what you see of her. I actually went to her school, which was about an hour of travelling. & so she introduced me to her boyfriend, then we left like 10 minutes later, because her boyfriend needs to leave. & so we left her school, for another place, which is way nearer to my place, to WAIT for another friend. No seriously. You tell me friends are important, but you totally did not think about all the trouble I took.
That did hurt my feelings a little. But I guess friends are always less important.
Although she texts me a lot when she is w her boyfriend, she texts her boyf a lot when she is with me. Furthermore, how often do you see him and how often do you see me? If you wanna talk to him more than me, then yeah bye Im leaving. But I guess she doesnt see it like that, so yeah. Though I am still affected.

I try to strike a balance, friends and boyfriend. I guess sometimes its hard, but I think its about putting in effort for the person you are physically spending time with. Whats the point if youre here but not here? Then I might as well leave.

I actually told my boyf, who is serving the army, that I am w a friend so I cant text him now. Then can you, at least show a bit of respect for my principles, and not text your boyf which you will see the very next day? Do you know how rarely can my boyf talk to me? You obviously don't.

Or is it that I dont value him enough?

等一个人咖啡 - 九把刀

A book by Giddens, which has a movie too.
The movie and book is kinda different, but both are nice in their own ways.

I don't actually read Chinese books.
But this book is the second chinese book I read.
First also by Giddens
那些年我们一起追过的女孩
Another classic w a movie.
His novels, frankly speaking, is really boring at the start.

It is like putting puzzle pieces together.
Just that he shows you the pieces first,
then putting them all together at the end.
His writing style maybe, but it was a great book.

Well I felt that the book was relatable in many ways,
Its basically about this girl who had a crush on a senior, but fell in love with her best friend unknowingly.
And this book is all about waiting,
the art of patience and waiting in bliss.
Yes, very relatable. HAHAS.

__________________________________________________________________________________

我其实不读华文书
而这是我读过的第二本华语书。
第一本也是九把刀写的，
那些年我们一起追过的女孩。

他的书，说真的，头头很无聊。
就像是在拼图一样，
先让你看看全部的小图案，
到后头才慢慢拼起来。
也许是他写作的style吧

这本书让我感触很多，因为我也在等一个男孩，
也是在当兵，
也是从朋友开始，

当时根本不想谈什么恋爱，
只想打球念书。
把手头上的东西做好。
回想起前两年的事，我也好想写一写小说噢。

朋友们都说我没有固定的taste.
因为我不相信一见钟情这种东西，
而是慢慢相处后，才觉得这个男生不错。
但也没刻意去想可不可能在一起，

‘从友谊发芽升华成的爱情，才是最坚实的土壤。’
顺其自然最重要吧。

记得中四那年，
我16岁。
有一个幼稚的男生做我的旁边，
我们时常在上课时说话，
胡闹，
他睡觉时我会吵醒他，
我读书时他会无聊的烦我。

他是对我有所表示，
我承认我是有些喜欢他，
但是就是要会考啊。
他热爱篮球，但读书真是烂透了。

会考后，
他去Poly,我去初极学院(JC).
虽然还是有联络个差不多一年，但就是没有在一起。

渐渐的就失去联络。最近聚会上碰面，聊起成年往事，还挺好笑的。
 ——————————————————————————————————————

初院班上男生都呆呆的，
无趣。
初级学院嘛，都是宅男。
加上我修读的科目。
真是看不下去。

年中有个露营，认识了一个学长。
他是举办露营的第二负责人。
碰巧有一个Night Expedition, 他跟随着我的组一起。
是那个时候真正认识的。

那天我们从天黑走到天亮。
虽然他是个大人物，但我根本没在意他，
放佛如朋友般对待，
没大没小。
因为太累了有点high.
而他跟我一起high,
好玩极了，
好久没那么疯狂。
坐巴士回学校的路上，我们还坐在一块，靠着肩睡着了。

就这样认识啦。
记得他跟我说，
我就是那个在他演讲时睡觉的女生，
因为我没戴眼镜根本不知道。
他如果没说，我永远都不懂，
原来我们的第一个interaction就是那时候。
他也说注意到我是个很吵的小女孩。
露营嘛。
理所当然啊。
我也没想那么多，就多认识一个学长罢了嘛。

后来露营过后，
他时常晚上FBchat我。
我就觉得有些莫名其妙，
什么嘛，
不会要号码噢。
那我就问他呀，
他却说自己是prepaid card,
所以跟别人闲聊都是 FB chat.
还记得我生日那天，
他来跟我说话。
我还问他，为什么不祝我生日快乐。
他说觉得没必要，
就一个生日快乐啊，
有多难啦。
没事后来还是好好的，

我的问题就是，我不会主动和别人说话，
除非有东西要问。
不然我是不会像他一样，随便send个hi.
后来接近会考，
他的hi也渐渐少了，

记得我们答应好要和一张照，
在他毕业那天，因为他是 Valedictorian.
但我就碰巧那天拿了病假没去学校。
况且他的稿我有帮忙想点子。

虽然那么久都没说话，
后来他还是追问为什么没来照相。
我就告诉他啦，
再后来他有回学校念书准备考试，
偶尔碰面会为他加油。
就有一次在操场上看见他和另一个女生，
我笑着打了个招呼，
就走了。

再再后来，我听说他考到了很好的成绩。
至于及时是去当兵，我就不知道了。

所以呢，就这样啊。
 ———————————————————————————————————————

而现在我在等的呢，
是我班上的一条虫。
也不需要99杯难喝死的咖啡来证明。
只需庆幸没有错过彼此。
之前所错过的，
我也庆幸。
但我们的故事，我还不想诉说，
因为我现在要去忙别的了。
Till next time.

Cutting calls

I absolutely, totally hate it when people cut my calls.
Like hello, did you flush your manners down the toilet bowl or something.
My grandma has this bad habit of not saying bye,
and yeah I don't blame her cos I mean, people of that generation works like that.
I remember calling her back demanding my goodbye hahas,
that always make her laugh.
What I am pissed is at my parents, friends etc.
Like DUDE.
Imagine if I cut my mom's call.
I will feel damn guilty la.
Imagine if I cut my dad's call.
I will be damn screwed la.
I hate the way my family works because they expect response, they expect recognition, but they don't do the same.
Especially dad.
I really don't want to become like that.
really don't want that to happen.
So I try to treat them the way I treat my friends, living by my own principles rather than getting caught up in theirs.
I wasn't expecting them to respond like my friends but I guess,
it still is annoying,
and that fucking stupid attitude is getting to me.
I start ignoring people when I don't feel like replying,
forgetting that that will leave them hanging.
I HATE the way they operate.
But I am letting it influence me.
So don't.
Okay.
Don't let it influence you.
Its fucking rude, fucking irritating and very, majorly, distasteful.