I was just listening to songs on bus and the feelings came. Am I really ready for a relationship? Am I ready to bare my heart for someone I dont even know if is staying in my life? Am I reading too much into this? I don't know cos its just scary. Making yourself completely vulnerable to someone. It was chinese songs that killed me completely. I was fucking crying on bus. Its that fear of losing someone so so important, that makes you want to end things with him. Its the fear that is making you suffocate. Its difficult to understand but I just did. You have no idea how tough is it. At all. No idea at all. Its such a weird emotion its difficult to describe. Thats why its impossible to feel that when youre with him. But you feel it all the time when youre not with him. It sucks. Like just yesterday I was having such a great time with him and today, I am feeling like shit. Maybe I am shit. Its fucking scary how I am texting him all bubbly, when I am feeling all these right now. But I guess cos of this fear, I have to hold on to him tighter. And cherish every single moment together.