Bad skin days.

Have y'all ever experienced bad skin days, like really bad where your whole face broke and itches like mad, probably because of something you ate, or some products you used. People with sensitive skin probably know what am I talking about.
Its been long such a thing happened to me. Like such a major breakout, and I dont even really know the reason, and trying to find out now. Its like blotchy, red, itchy, and filled with many snall white heads. I have skin problems since like about 2 years ago. Maybe it was the crazy sun that did this, or simply genes since my relatives on my father's side pretty much have bad skin. Except my granny. LOL.
But hmmm, I have been taunted by black heads when I was 17. Now they are still here but I try to ignore them as much as I can. I used the word taunted because, I would use my deadly long nails to dig into my pores, and poke my nose till its all red, just to get ALL the white worms with blackheads out of their holes (pores). Then, it spread to my inner cheeks, and I started to dig into my pretty cheeks too. I didnt know what I was doing back then, too young, immature and stubborn to know that all these are making my skin real difficult to recover, till today.
Puberty came late for me, so maybe thats why by 17, it wasnt a problem for most of my friends, who are already pimple-free and real gorgeous already.
I always envied people with great skin. It doesnt have to be fair, just smooth and nice. Thats all I want to achieve. My life was at its best when I have good skin days. Maybe because I am more confident &  cos pretty people gets their way, you like it or not, thats how things work.
Have you ever felt so dejected, when some people walk past you, just to approach a friend prettier than you, though you have better brains and figure?  I guess people are just naturally disgusted by bad skin. Sometimes when I am outside I see people with bad skin, I feel so sorry for them like man I can empathise with you. That agony, is so hard to describe, especially if you dont know who or what to blame.
I still am, living in that agony. People at my age are always clubbing, partying, drinking, having a lifetime worth of fun. But I on the other hand, am trying to replenish the sleep I have lost over the years, to make it but for my beauty sleep durations, drinking water for detox purposes, avoiding foods that causes bad skin since its real obvious for my case.
Just that at times I break these golden skin rules, and pay a price.

To all those having a hard time because of your unappealing skin, I will not be those saints who will tell you, its okay. Its alright, be yourself and all these will pass. Up your self-esteem cos youre worth more than what you believe you are. No. I dont believe in that.
Find a remedy, search for a solution. Its a problem that can be solved so dont settle with it.
Even for people who are fat. No Im not going to say just be who you are. Because thats how the society is today. If youre gonna stay that size, blame no one but yourself for the lack of suitors, the lack of appeal compared to your prettier friends.
The society today may say its okay to be fat. The truth is they mind it despite those kind words.
Search for a solution, fight for your happiness, and live your life. I am 19, still young, still searching. But age should not stop you from leading the ideal life you want. 
& while you search for a solution, learn to live with it. Shutting yourself from the world you can have, is not a solution either. :)
Staying happy is key.

Boyfriend > friends?

 

Okay I couldn't think of a counter for chicks before dicks.

I believe we all have had friends who would give priority to their boyfriends.

Well I guess its understandable since they could be a major part in each others life for forever.

But friends can be too.

I have a friend, who is still an important friend. I know her since we were 13, very close till 14, drifted at 15/16, and closer than ever at 17/18. Now we are both 19, still in contact, still great friends.

There are some friends you know you can always rely on, which I am that kind of friend for her. No matter how irritated I am at her sometimes, if she needs me, I'll be there.

But I am not sure if she'll be there for me, if I need her.

Well I guess we are friends which are rare cos we can talk to each other about our relationship problems, yet can not talk to each other. HAHAS.

Maybe because I am at the age where friends become attached (serious relationships I mean) , its interesting to see how different people see different things. I have other friends, who sees their partners as a part of them. They are in seperable, and want to shout out to the rest of the world they are a couple.

She is that kind of pretty, honest bitch, who really dont care what you see of her. I actually went to her school, which was about an hour of travelling. & so she introduced me to her boyfriend, then we left like 10 minutes later, because her boyfriend needs to leave. & so we left her school, for another place, which is way nearer to my place, to WAIT for another friend. No seriously. You tell me friends are important, but you totally did not think about all the trouble I took.
That did hurt my feelings a little. But I guess friends are always less important.
Although she texts me a lot when she is w her boyfriend, she texts her boyf a lot when she is with me. Furthermore, how often do you see him and how often do you see me? If you wanna talk to him more than me, then yeah bye Im leaving. But I guess she doesnt see it like that, so yeah. Though I am still affected.

I try to strike a balance, friends and boyfriend. I guess sometimes its hard, but I think its about putting in effort for the person you are physically spending time with. Whats the point if youre here but not here? Then I might as well leave.

I actually told my boyf, who is serving the army, that I am w a friend so I cant text him now. Then can you, at least show a bit of respect for my principles, and not text your boyf which you will see the very next day? Do you know how rarely can my boyf talk to me? You obviously don't.

Or is it that I dont value him enough?

等一个人咖啡 - 九把刀

A book by Giddens, which has a movie too.
The movie and book is kinda different, but both are nice in their own ways.

I don't actually read Chinese books.
But this book is the second chinese book I read.
First also by Giddens
那些年我们一起追过的女孩
Another classic w a movie.
His novels, frankly speaking, is really boring at the start.

It is like putting puzzle pieces together.
Just that he shows you the pieces first,
then putting them all together at the end.
His writing style maybe, but it was a great book.

Well I felt that the book was relatable in many ways,
Its basically about this girl who had a crush on a senior, but fell in love with her best friend unknowingly.
And this book is all about waiting,
the art of patience and waiting in bliss.
Yes, very relatable. HAHAS.

__________________________________________________________________________________

我其实不读华文书
而这是我读过的第二本华语书。
第一本也是九把刀写的，
那些年我们一起追过的女孩。

他的书，说真的，头头很无聊。
就像是在拼图一样，
先让你看看全部的小图案，
到后头才慢慢拼起来。
也许是他写作的style吧

这本书让我感触很多，因为我也在等一个男孩，
也是在当兵，
也是从朋友开始，

当时根本不想谈什么恋爱，
只想打球念书。
把手头上的东西做好。
回想起前两年的事，我也好想写一写小说噢。

朋友们都说我没有固定的taste.
因为我不相信一见钟情这种东西，
而是慢慢相处后，才觉得这个男生不错。
但也没刻意去想可不可能在一起，

‘从友谊发芽升华成的爱情，才是最坚实的土壤。’
顺其自然最重要吧。

记得中四那年，
我16岁。
有一个幼稚的男生做我的旁边，
我们时常在上课时说话，
胡闹，
他睡觉时我会吵醒他，
我读书时他会无聊的烦我。

他是对我有所表示，
我承认我是有些喜欢他，
但是就是要会考啊。
他热爱篮球，但读书真是烂透了。

会考后，
他去Poly,我去初极学院(JC).
虽然还是有联络个差不多一年，但就是没有在一起。

渐渐的就失去联络。最近聚会上碰面，聊起成年往事，还挺好笑的。
 ——————————————————————————————————————

初院班上男生都呆呆的，
无趣。
初级学院嘛，都是宅男。
加上我修读的科目。
真是看不下去。

年中有个露营，认识了一个学长。
他是举办露营的第二负责人。
碰巧有一个Night Expedition, 他跟随着我的组一起。
是那个时候真正认识的。

那天我们从天黑走到天亮。
虽然他是个大人物，但我根本没在意他，
放佛如朋友般对待，
没大没小。
因为太累了有点high.
而他跟我一起high,
好玩极了，
好久没那么疯狂。
坐巴士回学校的路上，我们还坐在一块，靠着肩睡着了。

就这样认识啦。
记得他跟我说，
我就是那个在他演讲时睡觉的女生，
因为我没戴眼镜根本不知道。
他如果没说，我永远都不懂，
原来我们的第一个interaction就是那时候。
他也说注意到我是个很吵的小女孩。
露营嘛。
理所当然啊。
我也没想那么多，就多认识一个学长罢了嘛。

后来露营过后，
他时常晚上FBchat我。
我就觉得有些莫名其妙，
什么嘛，
不会要号码噢。
那我就问他呀，
他却说自己是prepaid card,
所以跟别人闲聊都是 FB chat.
还记得我生日那天，
他来跟我说话。
我还问他，为什么不祝我生日快乐。
他说觉得没必要，
就一个生日快乐啊，
有多难啦。
没事后来还是好好的，

我的问题就是，我不会主动和别人说话，
除非有东西要问。
不然我是不会像他一样，随便send个hi.
后来接近会考，
他的hi也渐渐少了，

记得我们答应好要和一张照，
在他毕业那天，因为他是 Valedictorian.
但我就碰巧那天拿了病假没去学校。
况且他的稿我有帮忙想点子。

虽然那么久都没说话，
后来他还是追问为什么没来照相。
我就告诉他啦，
再后来他有回学校念书准备考试，
偶尔碰面会为他加油。
就有一次在操场上看见他和另一个女生，
我笑着打了个招呼，
就走了。

再再后来，我听说他考到了很好的成绩。
至于及时是去当兵，我就不知道了。

所以呢，就这样啊。
 ———————————————————————————————————————

而现在我在等的呢，
是我班上的一条虫。
也不需要99杯难喝死的咖啡来证明。
只需庆幸没有错过彼此。
之前所错过的，
我也庆幸。
但我们的故事，我还不想诉说，
因为我现在要去忙别的了。
Till next time.