Social Media

You know the thing about social media, it feels like everything is a competition. Maybe I havent posted in a while, the moment I do it felt weird. I kept checking my number of likes, afraid that people wont actually like my post and afraid that this post will lose out to my older posts in terms of likes. Its so superficial I feel so, disgusted by myself. My instagram is a place where I dont showcase my real life, like what I really am, who I really am. Its weird how it shows fragments of what I am, yet isnt representative of who I am. Its such a weird feeling and combination, I feel like quitting social media but, does that mean the end of my social life? The answer is yes. Because you cant keep up with trends, you're kept out of the loop, You can't join in conversations, nor find interesting common topics. Its horrible to know that people gossip as a form of socialising. I dont like it but I still do it. Why? Because I want to be kept in the loop.
Disgusting. I am so disgusting. Its so shallow yet I still do it.

You know like how you screwed something up and, no matter what you do it doesnt make any difference and you just keep replaying the scenes in your head, hoping you said this instead of that. Maybe the consequences were not that major last time, or maybe it matters a lot to me this time. I don't know because I just cant stop thinking about it I feel like im going crazy. I wished my boyfriend is here like right beside me right now so that I can be stablised but. No. I realise I dont mind being pillars for other people but I mind asking for support from others. Its like too huge a favour? I dont know I really dont know. Thats why I blog I guess.

School 2015.

You know I have been watching kdramas since, around a year ago. And there are just some dramas which you feel nothing, and some which you love so much. I loved school 2013. That bromance - I mean, bond between the 2 guys are just. WOWW. Maybe its because Im still a student, its more relatable. But its was amazing. Maybe I should look for my old post on it and upload it here. HAHAs. & School 2015 hasnt been a disappointment. Well obviously korea is promoting their flower boys more than their girls, but thats beside the point. The plot is kinda cliche, but not at all uninteresting. Only 6 episodes into the drama and I can't wait to finish it already. Pretty sure that bitch bully will get what so gets, and that the whole truth will be revealed and yeah. Some parts of the plot is pretty much, fixed (not even predictable). Welcome to kdramas. But, y'know the difference between korean and american productions is that korean productions focus on sincere feelings. Well there could be sex involved but unlike american productions, it isnt revolved around sex. Thats what is different. I am not saying which productions are better it just depends on which you prefer. Well, I won't stop watching all the american movies because they are pretty good, nevertheless. And always the hot topic.

OMG I JUST FINISHED WATCHING EP 8 I CANT CALM DOWN WHY YOU CUT AT THE CLIMAX. Han Yi An figured. Go Eun Byul admitted. And Gong Tae Kwang has to come and andbiwvshsis UGH.

ANYWAYS. I totally didnt expect Eun Byul to come back, but it was so, so powerful. WOOOHOOO. Like WOWZ. And I was really shipping Yi An & Eun Byul, Tae Kwang & Eun Bi. BUT DAMN IT HAN YI AN. WHAT A HUGE DISGUSTING PLOT TWIST BUT. LIKE OMGOMGOMG. Now Idk who to ship. HAHAHAS. WAITING FOR EP 16 DILIGENTLY. 

Ohkay it ended. All in all an interesting drama. OHYEAHHHH. HAHAHAS. 

Vices.

You know how you always blame other stuff or people but never yourself, but seriously. Today is really, such, an unlucky day. I mean its partly my fault, for leaving house a tad too late and well, lady luck isnt shining on me today. So I was late. Rather late in fact. For an interview. So thats whats the bad feeling was LOL.

But yeah sometimes some things are out of our control, but deep down you know you have a problem as well. You have always been blaming other people and things and when it happens to happen on an unlucky day, you get angry because you are unlucky. You know what I mean?
Maybe you should reflect and kick this habit away once and for all.
You cant always have lucky days come onnnn.

So yeah gonna work on how to quit being late.
Alright learning how to be punctual at this age lol.
Its never too late right?

1. Plan
Plan your outfit, pack your bag, plan your schedule, everything on the night before. This is a great habit to cultivate. Give yourself ample travelling and preparation time when you have major event coming up.

2. Do as planned, keep track of time always.
Don't plan and not follow it, & don't do extra stuff that you didn't plan. Once you plan everyday you come to know how long you take to do things and it will get easier as days go by.

3. Don't plan to be on time.
Plan 15 min earlier for every event. & more when you need to locate places you never been before.

4. Relearn your time
Take note of how long you do things, check the time everyday.

Thats all for now. Let's do this. 

True Friends.

I realise, the best thing you can give a friend, or anyone that you truly love and care about, is support. Advices are for completely clueless people who are searching for answers. And god knows everyone have answers in their hearts already. Our loved ones are simply looking for people who will support them, as they believe we are people who understand, and have faith in their choices. Of course we do need to drag them up the righteous path by showing them whatever path they intend to take could possible lead to. But if they still stuck by their path, we respect that decision. We respect that decision, thats all they need. We need not help them on that path, we need not feel sorry for seeing them fail. But we do need to bring them back up when they do.

Addicition

'Addicts are never really cured'
I have an addict, to squeezing blackheads. I am tyrophobic, but I absolutely LOVE squeezing blackheads. It gives me such a major satisfaction, especially when I am stressed. So my nose and inner cheeks suffered for about the whole of 1.5 years, which I poked and squeezed, deployed needles and tweezers to get the gunk out. I don't know if it sounds weird or what but, it just gives me a major, major satisfaction. I help my granny squeeze blackheads on her back when she asks for help with her bra cos she cant reach to the back. But I have been off my face for at least a good 1/2 year. Yeah occasional pokes here and there. Maybe because I was stress-free these, then all of a sudden many things came at one go it was too overwhelming. But yeah. I read it somewhere that addicts are never really cured, as it takes only one thought, and less than one second before the body takes over the mind, before you can change your kind after commiting your crime. It was true. All I did this morning was wake up, and O stared at the mirror for a while, tiptoed over the sink so I can have a better look. spotted 3 very black blackheads in the right nose valley and up comes my hands, down comes my sin. It felt good, cos unexpectedly the gunk from the left side of the valley, that is my right side of my nose, came put. Though the blackheads were invisible, they were there. Evidently. But the stubborn ones in the valley weren't coming out. Am I being too descriptive here?

This is an addiction of perfectionists, who can't stand even the smallest flaws, who basically are stressed. We are people who strive to do well. Y'know back in the days when I was trying to kick this habit, I dont know to feel good or bad about this successful people thing. HAHAHA.

But yeah my point was, I made a mistake, I reverted to my old ways, but its just occasionally so I cut myself some slack. Don't have to beat yourself up for just this once right? Just make sure its occasionally. 

One Moment, One Morning - Sarah Rayer

This is a real good book.

A book I once picked up but put back on the shelf. Im glad I picked it up. I dont usually cry when I read but. This is really, so sad. Just so sad.

Dying isn't all that scary. I mean its painful, but the pain ends. The worst part about dying is leaving all the others behind. All your loved ones, all those who are highly dependent on you, your family, friends, colleagues, even the bus driver who sees you every morning. Its like leaving a spot empty, and it this spot can never be truly filled again. It hurts, to know that someone you depend on wont ever be there for you anymore. It hurts to know you cant be there for the people you love. It hurts even more, when you are the source of their pain. Sighs. Death itself isnt scary. Its the loss that makes one feel extremely empty.

It also lets you know how to be appreciative of people you see on a daily basis, and be grateful for the very fact that they are still breathing.

A TRUE BLUE DAMN GOOD BOOK. 🙆🙆🙆